Grandmothers: The Best Parenting Advice Passed Down

“Hi mum, meet your new grandson!” is a modern-day phrase heard all too often by the older modern women. In this chapter we consider the role grandparents play these days in helping with the enormous task of raising a little human?  The world is full of opinions on so many platforms.  The confidence shown by a new mum can turn out to be very fragile when their unpredictable newborn does not ‘do’ what the ‘experts’ say it should do.  The role of a grandparent to walk gently alongside can be very helpful and humbling. Go gran! You’ve got this……

How Gran got her knowledge

Grandmothers never used a digital thermometer, a nasal aspirator, a white noise machine or organic butternut feed. These were women who relied on the advice of their mothers, on patience and careful observation and just experience.  They learned that if something works, repeat it.  Share it.   If something doesn’t work, try something else and keep learning and keep trying. Long before AI or sleep consultants there were grandmothers. So new mom ask yourself: over the decades, what exactly has changed about newborns? Very little. Without the benefit of AI or sleep consultant’s there are grandmothers who actually know a thing or two!

Obviously, a new mum always wants to do things’ right’, but that needs to be carefully balanced against wanting to do things ‘better’.  Nowadays there can be a tendency towards a quiet arrogance that modern approaches must surely be better, and older approaches are irrelevant or unhelpful.

The advice benefits which Gran’s pass to mothers

Perspective

Have you ever thought that grandmothers understand something that cannot be downloaded – perspective.  The benefit of hindsight.  The years of struggles and joys.  They are less alarmed by the small things because they can see a bigger picture.  A baby who feeds, sleeps and has some moments of contentment is doing just fine.  Taking their basal heart rate or core body temperature daily is not necessary information.

Advice

Grandmothers also tend to hand out advice that seems inherently reassuring rather than anxiety-invoking. “Pick her up, you can’t spoil a newborn,” will empower any new mum to do exactly that and the baby learns that the world is a safe place.  Grandmothers also realise that babies cry as a means of communication, not only in times of unhappiness.  It is their language.  I’m hungry, I’m tired, I’m wet, I need a cuddle……

Patience

Grandmothers have patience.  They are wired to work at a different pace.  They were once frantic parents, and they have done their time.  This is their season to slow down, and they trust in the basic principle that with love and consistent care most babies will survive and thrive.  Science has allowed us to be safer, but not always wiser.  Wisdom is key both in accepting traditional advice and in adopting new approaches.  Safety first.  Common sense alongside safety.  That should do it!  With a good deal of humility thrown in for good measure……

Midwives – the grandmother’s of the ward

As a gynaecologist, I have learnt so much over the years from “grandmothers” of the hospital ward –  midwives. Yes, midwives.  These trained nurses were the ‘grandparents’ of ancient times when often the life expectancy was so short that there was no living grandparent.   Midwives were and are a source of infinite wisdom.  I could write a book on good sound advice that I have heard over the years.  I used to silently pray on ward rounds that my patients would at least listen to the advice of the midwife because it was worth so much more than pages of downloaded ‘wisdom’.

Best advice passed down – Simple fundamentals of caring for a baby

In truth, the fundamentals of caring for a baby are remarkably consistent. Hunger, comfort, warmth, routine – these are not new trends.  These are ancient constants. It’s helpful advice from a grandmother.

Four Grandmotherly Nuggets of Wisdom Worth Keeping:

• You cannot spoil a newborn. Responding to their needs builds security, not dependency.
• This too shall pass. The difficult phases—sleepless nights, endless feeds—are just that: phases.
• Trust your instincts, but temper them with experience. Yours and others’.
• Simplicity is key.  Comparison is risky.

We truly need to just listen to grandmothers, but to also value what they have to say: experience, resilience, and the comforting reminder that you do not have to reinvent motherhood to do it well. Let your grandmother help you stop making parenting a ‘performance’ and start realising that it is a relationship with both the newborn and the generations that have gone before.